Albus and His Bloody Book
by Carmen Exsilio
Summary: What happens when Albus needs a book from Muggle London and Snape and Hermione are stuck with the job. Warning: Snape uses a lot of the D word.


Disclaimer: The characters you recognize belong to J.K. Rowling. The ones that don't belong to me, not that I have any copyright to them, but hey, whatever. Anywho, please don't sue me.

Chapter One

"Curse Albus Dumbledore, Curse him to Hell and back for putting me here."

Severus Snape was quite annoyed; it was a feeling that was becoming quite as familiar as breathing to him. Why did he need to feel any obligation to the old fool, he was constantly asking 'favors' that either killed him or constantly annoyed him. This one could be filed under the later title.

It hadn't started out to be that particularly bad, he only had to retrieve a book for the old man for Gods' sake. For Albus, however, things could never be that simple, they always had to be too damned complicated. It had begun as just a book, then had become a book in the muggle part of London. But it couldn't stop there, no, he couldn't just apparate to the Leaky Cauldron and go from there. No. He had to blend in because the only copy of the damn book was in a bookstore owned by a muggle who not only knew of the wizarding world, but despised it. And on top of that, he refused to sell anything to a person with magical powers. Severus Snape recalled the conversation well…

"So why don't you just ask a muggleborn witch or wizard to collect the book for you?"

"You see Severus, I did, but it had to be someone the Order could trust due to the nature of the book, and the only one I know who is close at hand and who fits that particular description is….

"Granger." His eyes narrowed and his mouth thinned at the irritation brought on at the mere mention of the girl invaded him.

"Precisely Severus," the old fool had that damn twinkle in his eye again, he knew that twinkle, and it never indicated something that Snape would deem enjoyable. "But as the school is in session I cannot send her without an escort. Minerva and yourself were the only two people I could picture accompanying Miss. Granger under the circumstances."

"So why is Minerva not doing so?"

"All of the arrangements had been made for her to do so, however, about half an hour ago, she was called away by the Ministry of Magic for something or another which they could not 'disclose to me'"

"So in other words Fudge is throwing another tantrum and they have called on Minerva to calm him." It was becoming a habit of the ministry's over the past several months, but for whatever God forsaken reason, it was the only thing that would calm the big baby. "And you couldn't wait for her return because?"

"Because the arrangements were made for today, the bookkeeper will sell the book to another patron should someone not arrive in time to retrieve it. Miss Granger should be arriving at any moment to get underway. The appointment is an hour from now, and the Leaky Cauldron is nearly 45 minutes from the shop."

"By what means of travel? An ass? If I am going I insist on apparition, I will not have my time wasted."

"As I assumed you would, but the two of you must keep up the appearance of being Muggles. As such you will be traveling by muggle car after apparating or flooing, it is your choice, to the pub. Her vehicle is to have been transported there by means of her mother by this time."

"Bloody stupid…" He was cut of as Hermione entered the office, appearing to be ready to depart. She seemed unsurprised to find him there and even a semi-enthusiastic greeting.

"Good Afternoon Headmaster, Professor Snape. Are you ready Sir?"

It dawned on him then, of course she knew, The old fart would have informed her of the change in her escort the moment Minerva was called away, bloody infuriating old fool, he knew he would comply before he even had the audacity to ask. 'I must be getting to predictable.'

"Very well, let's get this over with." He moved to grasp the girl and haul her to the apparition point outside the school grounds when she moved to hold up her hand in a symbol to stop. Confused, he merely glared at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Sorry to delay us any further Professor, but…" She hesitated a moment.

"Spit it out you silly irritating girl." She showed now sign of being affected by his insult, however, she finally continued.

"Are you wearing that sir, because you will stick out like a sore thumb in the muggle world. Especially to a shopkeeper who despises the magical world." 'Duh.'

"Well, sir you can start by taking off your teaching robes and perhaps the frock coat as well. I can only assume that you have a rather plain garment underneath all of the black formal garments you usually wear. But if you don't I'm sure we could transfigure you something more suitable from your under…."

"Stop babbling Granger, you are behaving as if on a perpetual sugar high." By the time he had cut her off he had already removed the garments to be left in a white dress shirt and his black trousers and boots. It was obvious that she had been avoiding paying attention as he partially disrobed, because she still wouldn't look further down than his eyes. "Well, Miss Granger, will this suffice or shall we make an even larger production of this?"

She seemed to regard him for a moment before responding with a mere, "Yes, Sir." And looking at the headmaster expectantly, who responded politely.

"Well you had better be off, wouldn't want to be late would you? Now, do you have the muggle money I provided miss Granger?" She nodded. "Good, now remember to leave your wand in the car when you enter the shop Miss Granger, as he will most likely be watching for it. Severus, let Miss Granger do any talking required, and wait for her in the car when you arrive at the shop. And while you may be the Chaperone, you need to follow advice she may give regarding muggle behavior. Try to get along long enough to complete this task, please. Now off with you."

And with that they had walked in silence to the apparition point just beyond the school gates. She didn't seem to realize when they arrived at the point and continued several steps before she realized he had stopped.

"This would be where we apparate to the pub Granger." He said with all of his infamous snarl and condescending nature. She merely turned around fully and approached him.

"Is it safe to assume I will be apparating at your side rather than attempting it myself?"

"One would think that would be blatantly obvious Granger."

"Then, Sir, may I suggest you unfold your arms so that I may be in a safe position, or would you find it amusing to splice me halfway there?" She had a point, not that he would ever admit it.

"While yes it would be vastly amusing to see you hobbling on one leg, the paperwork associated with that particular event is more than would be worth a moment of laughter, regardless of the years it has been since last I laughed" He said as he opened his arms for her to step closer. She seemed to contemplate this for a second.

"Sir, if it has been years since you last laughed, I daresay it may be worth losing my leg to a good cause." She didn't hesitate to step into his arms and placed herself a mere inch or so from his chest. He paused and the look of smug contempt at their bit of bickering disappeared from his face. She seemed to notice this and pulled back enough to regard his face. He managed to pull himself out of his reverie just as she did so because he pulled her right against his chest mere milliseconds before apparating out.


End file.
